turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
