In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
