I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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