matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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