you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
