I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
