i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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