Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
