I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's get the cat blown out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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