Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
