I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
