Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
