garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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