i wish my penis had a tongue
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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