Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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