i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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