yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
