don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
