dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
