There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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