i permit you to call me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
