just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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