My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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