you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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