come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
