I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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