Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't deserve a penis
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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