it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
