new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
