I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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