her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
