we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
