btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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