Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
