His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
