I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You've changed since you got that strap on
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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