I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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