Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
