it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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