I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
