Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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