Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
