This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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