it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
