you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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