She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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