I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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