definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
