i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
