The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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