How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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