question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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