mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
