I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
