You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
