Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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