idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
