I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
