I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
