my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
