I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
