do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
