Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
