my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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