Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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