Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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