Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
