I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
