We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
