I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
