I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
