At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
