Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
