When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
