I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
