It's like God shit irony all over that family
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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