I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
