Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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