so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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