You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
