whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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