he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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