OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone signed my nipple.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
