Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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