dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
