just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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