On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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