I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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