CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
